i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
