planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
