Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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