you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
