You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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