the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
