It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
