Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
