Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
