it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
