I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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