I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
It's not a walk of shame if you run
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