I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
