dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Randomize
