This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
she smelled like a LAN party
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
