She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
