did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
