I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
