Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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