tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
