Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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