Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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