he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
