Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
