there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
