It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
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