I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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