Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
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