Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I feel like death gave me a hand job
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Randomize
