he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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