the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Randomize
