Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
