its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Randomize
