Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
