Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
try to milk me bitch
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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