Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
