Barsexuality is the new black.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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