just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
