he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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