How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
