im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
