and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
