I saw his package. It spoke to me.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
