I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
