I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
