OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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