Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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