dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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