I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
