It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
