White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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