please come you make the beer taste better
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
