So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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